Friday, April 12, 2013

Identify and Let Go – Releasing Toxic People from Your Life (pt 2)

In yesterday's post I presented the first steps to ridding yourself of a toxic person in your life and understanding that not being able to change their perspective is most definitely not your fault! Don’t be bound by your own feelings of guilt for someone else’s life decisions because no one stands to gain anything by it. This person will continue to take your energy and give nothing positive (to you or the world) in return. I repeat: NO ONE benefits, and if left unchecked, there will be one more negative person in the world - you.

Believe me, I've been there. I know that coming to the realization that you can’t change a toxic person AND that you must walk away from them is an especially hard step to take. In these cases, I remind myself to let go of control. Let that person 'be' and continue on my own life journey. If confronted, always remain as calm as you’re capable of being. Reacting to a toxic person will not only bring you down to the same energetic level, but can sometimes lead to violence.

Even if such a person is spreading unjust gossip about you; hold your own space and don’t engage. If you have to speak your truth – for your own peace of mind – do so in an emotionally centered way, without malice or revenge.

Toxic people have an inability to engage in constructive conversations or reach conflict resolutions. They just can't do it! Instead, they rehash old arguments that should have been laid to rest long ago. For that reason it is especially necessary for us to take ourselves out of the equation and not remain concerned about rectifying ourselves to them or others.

We rectify the situation by removing ourselves. There is no other way. Such people will only change when (and if) they discover the motivation to do so within themselves. You can’t give that to them. You can only live by example, provide yourself with peace of mind, and help when they are ready to receive it.

PLEASE NOTE: Sometimes these people hold significant roles in your life; like a sibling, parent, child or spouse. Those situations warrant special care. Perhaps walking away isn't the answer for you. It may not be that simple. If you find yourself in that type of situation remember these two very important actions you must take and adhere to relentlessly.

First, take counsel. Find a friend, clergy or family member, or professional therapist who can help you make sense of your own emotions and to keep your forward momentum in check.

Second, create personal (and absolute) boundaries with that person and stick to those boundaries as though your life depends on it – because it does…

As always (even in tough times) – Enjoy Your Life!

John Aaron Villarreal

Bio: I am a Houston based, male massage therapist and wellness coach specializing in pain management and health programs for individuals over the age of forty. I laugh - a lot. I'm quirky but sincere. And, while I'm not a counselor, I do listen and I do care: Except for the times that I don't. That’s a joke - Did I mention that I like to laugh? Anyway, visit my website, call or email me and let's get together to talk about you, and the many ways to live life better!

The Legal Stuff: I write to inform, inspire and encourage my readers to enjoy all that life has to offer.
The content and information on this site is not intended to diagnose, cure, treat or prevent disease.
Please consult your physician prior to starting any exercise, diet or wellness program. 

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