Skip to main content

Grief in Progress

In my closet I have a cardboard treasure box of notes and momentos from significant people and moments in my life. Sad to say, they are mostly from people I have lost to death. These people have had a positive impact on me and this is how I honor and remember them. This week, I had to add an obituary of a dear friend of mine to that treasure box.
I know that death and loss are natural parts of life, but knowing this does not make the loss, or the grief, any less painful. In fact, I was surprised by just how much the news of Michael’s death affected me. After all, I hadn’t seen him in several years. But regardless, the friendship he gave me made me a better man. For that, I am grateful and cannot help but miss him.
Regardless of whether a death is anticipated or a complete surprise, shock often hits you when a loved one passes. Then, immediately following your loss, accepting the fact that your loved one has indeed passed away is a hard pill to swallow. After someone you love dies, you can be confused by your feelings, maybe even feel frustrated or embarrassed by your response to death.
I say this not to be morbid or morose. I am simply reflecting on my experiences. When I lost my first spouse (Craig) to AIDS, I was angry that anyone could have called this disease a “punishment.” Especially when most never knew the kind, gentle man that he was. He was only 32.
When I lost a former fiancé to cancer, I was confused at how someone as loving and giving as Azalea could be called away by God when the world so clearly needed more people like her. She was the only person I personally knew that came close to saintly in her love for people. Still – she also died young and we were left with one less light in the world.
Of course guilt came each time. They say it’s one of the stages of overcoming grief. I felt guilty that I could not have spent more time with these wonderful people. Perhaps I didn’t tell them I loved them as often as I should have or that they inspired me beyond measure. I certainly feel that way about Mike, now.
Yes, death and loss is a very sad business, and you can feel it very deeply.
The reality is that eventually, we will all personally succumb to it. But not for now. The good news is that I (we) have today to honor the life that we live and honor those that have helped us create the person we now are.
I will miss Mike. I miss all of my friends and loved ones that have gone before me. And in their honor, I will continue to treasure their memory and make good use of the contributions they have made to my life.
If you have lost a loved one, I hope you can relate to the words I’ve written. I leave you with this quote; “Man, when he does not grieve, hardly exists.” - Antonio Porchia
Go – Live Life Well (and to the fullest),
John Aaron Villarreal
www.johnaaron-massage.com
Twitter / Facebook

Labels

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

When Should I Get a Massage and How Often?

This is a question I get often… Let’s face it, if it were up to massage therapists we’d say that you should get a massage every day, but in reality – very few people ever have the means or time to make this scenario play out in their lives. So technically speaking, your frequency should depend on how much you like massage, how often you experience chronic pain, and your budget. If you’re able to afford it, getting a monthly or weekly massage works best at helping prevent injuries by catching tight areas before they become problematic. With my more athletic clients (runners, weightlifters, gymnasts), I usually recommend timing their massage to coincide with the times they are training their hardest. For example, runners can develop tight hamstrings and hips, gymnasts and weight-lifters can get tight shoulders. These tight muscle groups can elicit injuries over time if they aren't treated by massage. If you are physically active, I recommend getting a massage within 24 hours ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Coffee Has Health Benefits

Anyone who knows me knows I love my Joe…. err, “cup of joe” that is. In fact, I’m enjoying a cup as I write this post. However, as a wellness professional that little admission of guilt has gotten me a few sneers and looks of condescension. Caffeine is BAD for you, they say! Well, perhaps abusing caffeine may be “bad” for you, but ‘caffeine’ doesn’t necessarily mean ‘coffee.’ Despite this fact, coffee has gotten a bad rep over the years after a few health experts linked it (or rather, linked caffeine abuse) to several diseases. But is coffee actually that bad? Probably not; new research shows that drinking coffee in moderation provides numerous health benefits. Antidepressant It might seem a little odd to find that coffee could help with depression, but new research has shown that it does just that. Now, don’t go throwing out your prescriptions or quit counseling just yet though, coffee is not a cure for depression. Rather, the caffeine in coffee helps regulate your mood trans...
2 comments
Read more

Cutting Calories: 4 Easy Steps

It’s been said that if you want to lose weight, you need to move more and eat less. For some, however, the eating less part is the most dreaded. Yet, cutting calories from your diet doesn’t have to be a struggle and you don’t need to go on some fad or trendy diet to do it. Making small, simple changes can make a huge difference. To prove this point, I’ve outlined 4 simple steps that you can take toward cutting calories today. Step One: Stop drinking soda Whether you drink regular soda or diet soda, it’s a good thing to remove from your diet. It’s a lot of empty calories and replacement sugars that you don’t need in your body, and don’t even get me started on the subject of “corn syrup” or artificial sweeteners. If you want to kick your addiction to sodas then cutting them out completely is the best way to do that. You will save yourself money and a lot of unneeded calories by cutting out just this one item. Step Two: Portion properly It’s very important to learn what prop...
2 comments
Read more