Skip to main content

The Worst Day of My Life


She was just shy of her 2nd birthday and I still remember the day we lost her. Beautiful, full of smiles and the wonder that only a child can bring, she was the light of my life. But now – the light (and my life) was gone.

After living with us most of her life, our adoption hadn’t yet been finalized. Her birth mother, an addict fresh from her second stint in prison, changed her mind and refused to proceed. There was nothing we could do. No way could we protest. We could engage in a long and torturous legal battle, but in the end – we knew we would lose. And, Lexi would be the one to suffer most from the ordeal.

I still see the look on her face; the hurt in her eyes on the morning I left her in what would be her new home. It’s a deeply painful memory for me. Her soulful expression seemed to say she knew exactly what was about to happen and it is something I will never forget no matter how hard I try.

I returned home – numb, and arrived to a house that was empty and dead. If you have ever known the love of a child and lost it, you can understand that anything else you try to preoccupy your mind with seems selfish and trivial.

This experience nearly destroyed us. The good news is that it didn’t. Somewhere, Alex and I found the strength to realize one truth: we were not good parents. We were GREAT parents.

And, while Lexi was beyond our ability to help, there were thousands of other children like her that needed parents like us. There were children that we actually COULD help. We came to this realization four months after losing Lexi, and bittersweet, we made the announcement to our friends: We would be parents again.

Not more than 15 hours after making that very announcement, a miracle happened. My cell phone rang. It was Lexi’s birth mother. She had made a terrible mistake and now repentant, knew Lexi belonged with us.

Her plea that we rescue Lexi from her started a fast track journey of lawyers, legal documents, notaries and courtrooms – but in the end – we were parents. Legally and officially, we were the fathers of our beautiful baby girl returned to us – Our, Lexi. And no one had better dare try to take her away again without a bloody fight.

My point to this story is this: sometimes our pain seems so insurmountable that we cannot move through it. We cannot move through it because we allow it to block alternative views from our vision. In our case, we thought we would never be parents again. Then, we realized the only thing holding us back was our ‘single-view’ focus on our pain, our loss. We couldn’t see anything else.

When you think you have nothing to be grateful for, it can all seem hopeless. But, experiencing pain and loss is what it means to be human. The advantage is that being human also means you are capable of unimaginable resilience and joy. And when you can finally look away from your heartache, you will find many opportunities to apply your resilience toward a new hope and fulfilling joy.

If you are in pain and need help, find a trusted friend, family member, clergy member or therapist. Or, feel free to contact me. I can refer you to a professional that can help you deal with debilitating issues and get you refocused on living instead of stagnation.

After all, it’s your life – and it’s meant to be enjoyed.

John Aaron Villarreal


Bio: I am a Houston based, male massage therapist and wellness coach specializing in pain management and health programs for individuals over the age of forty. I laugh - a lot. I'm quirky but sincere. And, while I'm not a counselor, I do listen and I do care: Except for the times that I don't. That’s a joke - Did I mention that I like to laugh? Anyway, visit my website, call or email me and let's get together to talk about you, and the many ways to live life better!

 The Legal Stuff: I write to inform, inspire and encourage my readers to enjoy all that life has to offer.
The content and information on this site is not intended to diagnose, cure, treat or prevent disease.
Please consult your physician prior to starting any exercise, diet or wellness program. 

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

When Should I Get a Massage and How Often?

This is a question I get often… Let’s face it, if it were up to massage therapists we’d say that you should get a massage every day, but in reality – very few people ever have the means or time to make this scenario play out in their lives. So technically speaking, your frequency should depend on how much you like massage, how often you experience chronic pain, and your budget. If you’re able to afford it, getting a monthly or weekly massage works best at helping prevent injuries by catching tight areas before they become problematic. With my more athletic clients (runners, weightlifters, gymnasts), I usually recommend timing their massage to coincide with the times they are training their hardest. For example, runners can develop tight hamstrings and hips, gymnasts and weight-lifters can get tight shoulders. These tight muscle groups can elicit injuries over time if they aren't treated by massage. If you are physically active, I recommend getting a massage within 24 hours ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Coffee Has Health Benefits

Anyone who knows me knows I love my Joe…. err, “cup of joe” that is. In fact, I’m enjoying a cup as I write this post. However, as a wellness professional that little admission of guilt has gotten me a few sneers and looks of condescension. Caffeine is BAD for you, they say! Well, perhaps abusing caffeine may be “bad” for you, but ‘caffeine’ doesn’t necessarily mean ‘coffee.’ Despite this fact, coffee has gotten a bad rep over the years after a few health experts linked it (or rather, linked caffeine abuse) to several diseases. But is coffee actually that bad? Probably not; new research shows that drinking coffee in moderation provides numerous health benefits. Antidepressant It might seem a little odd to find that coffee could help with depression, but new research has shown that it does just that. Now, don’t go throwing out your prescriptions or quit counseling just yet though, coffee is not a cure for depression. Rather, the caffeine in coffee helps regulate your mood trans...
2 comments
Read more

What To Do When You’re Chronically Stressed

Of all the modern-day ailments that seem to affect us, none is more pervasive than stress. Everywhere you turn, there are factors lurking to redirect you from your peaceful pursuit of happiness and lock you in the clutches of “stress.” What exactly is stress—and what more insidious effects does it cause? The dictionary defines stress as “great pressure or force; strain.” In today’s world, we think of stress as the result of too much pressure laid upon us by life, causing mental worry or anguish. This, in turn, manifests itself in tight neck and shoulders, headaches, nervous stomach, etc. But these physical and mental conditions are really only the beginning. Studies show that stressful situations can develop into more threatening health conditions. For instance: A sudden or unexpected stressor can activate your adrenal glands, which sends adrenaline and other hormones into your bloodstream. This brings about an increase in your breathing, heart rate, blood pressure, and blood f...
Post a Comment
Read more